Pretty Profound

I got a new cell phone over the holidays, but that is not what this post is all about. With my phone (which was free!) I was able to download all of Taylor Swift's albums (also free!). And I have been listening to them like crazy.
I knew all of her songs that were on the radio, but while listening to her new album I found a new song that I feel is pretty profound (well part of the lyric is anyway).

From her song Never Grow Up:
Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room
Memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home
Remember the footsteps, remember the words said
And all your little brother's favorite songs
I just realized everything I have
Is someday gonna be gone

Does that resonate with anyone else right now? Is anyone ever ready to "grow up"? I feel like with all the things my family has been going though lately it just really spoke to me. I am so blessed to have three of my grandparents and both my parents and my in-laws around me. With my mother-in-laws surgery and her soon-to-start cancer treatment, it gave me a big dose of reality - Everything changes and everyone that surrounds me right now with love will someday be gone from this world. It lightens the burden though to know that someday I will see them all again. There will be many tears and a lot of patience until that day (and patience is NOT one of my virtues) but it will come!

And as for growing up, it might be inevitable that things get complicated and that you get hurt by others, but you also get to experience love and kindness from others as well as being able to share your own love and kindness! So be sure to live today and hug your loved ones a few extra times. Appreciate what you do have and what you will have one day!

I'm a meanie :o/

Today I am irritated. At myself mostly. I just want to be a better version of myself and yet I am feeling like there are so many things I need to change that I don't even know where to begin.
And I'm also irritated at myself being irritated. I had a friend call today and complain about some things that are so minor. This happens a lot. I don't mind listening to her problems, but there are days, like today, when I want to stop her and say "Is it my turn now?" I know everyone is dealing with something. We are all just trying to live life, right? We all have day-to-day struggles. But not this girl, she thinks she has minute-to-minute struggles. And if she could step back and look at the big picture, she would see that everything she worries about is small stuff. And little to none of it warrants a phone call or conversation about whether this person should worry about it. And yet it happens over and over and over again. And I'm irritated that I feel like a bad friend for finding this behavior so annoying lately. I guess its just because I have so many more responsibilities lately. And the fact that I want to surround myself with people who help me be the best version of me. And I'm starting to doubt that she is really one of those people.

The year ahead for me

If you asked me today, which you didn't, but I'm going to answer anyway, 2011 feels like it will be one of the hardest years I've ever had.

My mother in law has to have chemo for ovarian cancer. She is scared but putting on a brave face. I am also scared and want to be the best daughter I can be. We have one of those unheard of close relationships. I have no doubt that she will get through this, but it is difficult to deal with the heavy realities that dealing with any major illness brings on. Her surgery was very successful. They removed a volleyball sized mass from her ovary (they did a complete hysterectomy) and feel they got everything. So the chemo is pretty much a preventative measure they are taking. We are blessed to have such a wonderful prognosis. But the bottom line here is that she still has to go through the fight of her life and we have to stay strong and support her through it all. I just hope I am able to keep it together for her and for my husband. Right now I'm not so sure I can.

On a more positive note, I've made a few goals for this year. I think I will leave them to another post - there is much to get finished today and if I keep typing it will never get done!