I've been thinking a lot lately. Perhaps too much. About everything. More specifically about who I am and what defines me. At 33 I feel like things should be lining up much better than they have so far. Like where I am on the mysterious and invisible Life Success Scale is pretty low. Much lower than where I expected myself to be if you asked me at 18 or even 25. So what is going on?
It's me. I've been feeling so much discontent lately about things. And I know the root of the problem lies with how I decide to process and deal with these "things". For example, I know I need to make healthier choices so that I can live a long life with my family and also so that I can potentially add to my family. I have been recently diagnosed with Poly-cystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) and I've been informed that this is the root of my infertility, slow weight loss, and potential for type 2 diabetes in my future. I'm sure future posts will include more information on PCOS, but at the moment I haven't wanted to ask Dr. Google too much. Why? Because sometimes Dr. Google makes things worse! I'm taking one day at a time to lose some weight, make plans for a possible second baby, and get myself on a healthy track. Trying to stay positive. Trying not to dwell on the fact that if someone would have diagnosed me years ago, maybe I would have taken better care of myself. Or at least known what to expect.
This is not the only aspect of my life that I am not content with. And don't get me wrong, my life is pretty great. I have a lot to be thankful for and I am thankful every single day. But I've been coasting for far too long and I think that is where the feelings of discontent are stemming from. So interwebs, I'm turning off auto-pilot (since it has gotten me nowhere).
Is this how you define a mid-life crisis? I have no idea - I've decided I'm not in the middle of my life, yet!