Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Is THIS a Mid-Life Crisis?

I've been thinking a lot lately. Perhaps too much. About everything. More specifically about who I am and what defines me. At 33 I feel like things should be lining up much better than they have so far. Like where I am on the mysterious and invisible Life Success Scale is pretty low. Much lower than where I expected myself to be if you asked me at 18 or even 25. So what is going on?

It's me. I've been feeling so much discontent lately about things. And I know the root of the problem lies with how I decide to process and deal with these "things". For example, I know I need to make healthier choices so that I can live a long life with my family and also so that I can potentially add to my family. I have been recently diagnosed with Poly-cystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) and I've been informed that this is the root of my infertility, slow weight loss, and potential for type 2 diabetes in my future. I'm sure future posts will include more information on PCOS, but at the moment I haven't wanted to ask Dr. Google too much. Why? Because sometimes Dr. Google makes things worse! I'm taking one day at a time to lose some weight, make plans for a possible second baby, and get myself on a healthy track. Trying to stay positive. Trying not to dwell on the fact that if someone would have diagnosed me years ago, maybe I would have taken better care of myself. Or at least known what to expect.

This is not the only aspect of my life that I am not content with. And don't get me wrong, my life is pretty great. I have a lot to be thankful for and I am thankful every single day. But I've been coasting for far too long and I think that is where the feelings of discontent are stemming from. So interwebs, I'm turning off auto-pilot (since it has gotten me nowhere).

Is this how you define a mid-life crisis? I have no idea - I've decided I'm not in the middle of my life, yet!

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Anger Management

Today I needed some anger management. I was running some errands this morning and got behind a big truck going up a really big hill. And behind the big truck was a smaller truck carrying tires, which made me a bit cautious since I figured if he hit a bump those tires could bounce out. The big truck had its 4-way flashers on and was going up the hill off on the shoulder so that theoretically cars could pass it on the left side, but the tire truck didn't have the umph to do that. So I waited patiently behind these two trucks.

Up behind me flies this Stupid jerk in a blue pickup truck (henceforth referred to as JF for jerkface). He rides my tail the entire way up the hill and then as the big truck is making a left turn FLIES out on the shoulder to the right and passes me and the tire truck. And before the JF passed us, the truck had turned and we all started moving. So someone who apparently though JF was a genius (clearly they were WRONG) in a little clown car (actually she was in the kind of car that I always thought looked like a turtle, like a hatchback. I don't know, I have a vivid imagination maybe) attempts to fly out around us on the right side (and may I remind everyone, you don't pass on the right side - where are the police when you could really use them?) but her turtle car (let's call her BS for, well, the BS she was trying to pull) couldn't actually perform like the JFs pickup truck, so she ends up cutting me off. I blew my horn at her like I have never blown it before. And you know what BS did??


you can't guess?

Well BS gave me the finger!! How RUDE! What right did SHE have to give ME the finger? I only beeped at her...

Well then I swore loudly. With baby Y in the car. Thank goodness that he can't understand what I was saying. And then I said loudly "You BETTER be glad I don't have a rock cuz it would be comin right through your back window BS!!" And then in my head I threw a rock at ther. And then I imagined I was in a big tank and jsut rolled right over her puny little car. And...

And then I realized I have road rage. Boy, do I have road rage! So I've added staying calm when people like JF and BS are being JFs pulling their BS for the sake of my baby boy and my blood pressure. Nothing like a little self realization on the way to Target, huh?

I leave you with a picture that made me smile:

Monday, July 30, 2012

A fresh start

I've never needed a fresh start in my life more than I do right now. The baby is 5 months old and it is time for me to step back into reality! I've been living on the processed crap in my cupboards and Pepsi for 5 months. I've been running around in circles attempting to make sense of the chaotic mess my house has become. And I've let myself and my health go completely out the window. So Friday I decided to take a step towards getting myself back:: I cut off 5 inches of hair. It felt great! I felt like a human again!

And I know it's a small step, but I took one.

Stay tuned for more small steps as I try to find myself under all this mess...and yes, one of my goals is to work on being less critical of myself.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012


Ack! I can't believe the last time I posted was last November! That is just terrible. So much has happened in my life since then and the biggest of these is the arrival of our precious little boy on Valentine's Day! He has been taking up most of my time and last week I started working again part time, which is a lot harder than I imagined it would be. Thank goodness I have a great family who is willing to help me get the time in that I need! During my time off with the little man, I did a lot of thinking of things I'd like to blog about and I have a short list of topics that are interesting to me (at the moment at least, you all know I'm a bit, er, flighty!) and I also have a few bzzkits (become a bzzagent - no I don't get anything if you do, but if you are like me and love trying new things for FREE, then you should check it out!) that I just received and plan on doing a review of those as well as some things I've discovered with the new baby. I can't promise I will be posting everyday or even every week for now, but I do want to check in once a month at the very least. I miss blogging.